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Old 12-31-2017, 12:40 PM
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Default Chapter 7

Chapter 7
Sally was confused. John's disgust wasn't aimed at her, nor at her lovely young body
John's disgust was self-disgust.
He was not consciously aware of it, but he loathed himself for the way he made his
living. He was a Real Estate salesman, working for one of the most ruthless brokers in
the city, Mr. Scott, whose business life spanned fifty years of ever increasing greed. He
wheeled, he dealed, he connived and he grew rich. He crawled on his belly, when that
was necessary to make a deal, and he insisted that his employees crawl on their bellies,
anything to butter up a client.
Naturally, there was some hidden part of Mr. Scott that felt self-disgust too, for his
grasping, wheedling life He took out this hidden loathing on anyone around him who
he had power over. Such as John. He badgered John, lost his temper at him, humiliated
him, pushed him.
John took it all. The money he was making was considerable. He could see that if he
kept it up for a few more years, he would be as rich as Mr. Scott. All he had to do was
just keep in there, he repeatedly told himself. Keeping in there meant absorbing insults,
from prospective buyers, prospective sellers, and of course, Mr. Scott. All he had to do
was live in an atmosphere of greed and fear.
His outlet for frustration was his wife. The manner of that outlet was sexual aversion.
His own self-disgust fastened itself to Sally's sweet little blonde-haired cunt. It sickened
him to fuck her. There was nothing he could do about it. As long as he remained in his
world of greed and self-humiliation he was only half-human. Way in the background,
he loved his wife as much as ever. She was his life companion. How doubly humiliating
to be swamped in self-loathing in front of one's life companion.
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